The miracle and the politics

Reading about blogging through grief accidently turned me into a sobbing useless wreck for an hour when I decided to wake up and write my own and see if it helps. In October 2013 I was hospitalized for going into preterm labor and that is where I stayed for what seemed like forever. I had been under an enormous amount of stress from my family (extended family aunts and uncles) and it was apparently getting to me. On November 25 my mother-in-law passed away having lost to cancer. I was not about to attend the memorial service still being in the hospital and it being against medical advice. Apparently sometimes those doctors know what they are talking about. On December 2nd at 8 am I went into labor and delivered twins at only 25 weeks. John and Jason were amazing weighing just under 2 pounds each. The first few days were quite a ride, they went from improving to having infections to being taken off medication to having brain bleed, both of them. They were not even cared for in the same room but they both ended up with lung infections at the same time. I inquired because in my opinion you get an infection by being infected. Probably when the housekeeper was empting the trash right next to his open pod.

Our sons passed away only 17 days after they were born after having been given a grave prognosis and being told that the had no chance and it was in our best interest to terminate life support. I kick my self about every day wonder who I thought I was to make that decision for them. Especially after finding out the only life support they were on was a respirator. They fought so hard but their little faces looked like they were a hundred years old and had lived a hard life. At least they were finally at peace.

babies

Not 3 days after we were contacted that they needed the final arrangements for the babies and we told them that we would be coming to pick them up. We had planned on burying them on family property. When we went to pick them up we were told that that case had been turned over to the Adult protective services to investigate. We were even more upset at this point as we were right on the skirt of Christmas. I was leery wondering how CPS would be involved, they didn’t have enough money to take care of the children being beat to death but are still alive. As it turned out they lied but the accurate part was that it had been referred to CPS in the form of a complaint against me and my daughter was not being cared for among other things. When we got the call we were in her office with in 3 hours and she told us it was the strangest case she had ever seen. After the investigation there was found to be no error or my part.

Our choice to take possession and transport the babies was made after much research and documentation. Sometimes called home funeral or home burial  in the state of Texas it is legal to take possession of a deceased person by the next of kin. We just decided the $900 each would be better spent on our daughters college fund. They were only 2 pounds each and for a 6 foot man we were going to move in a trash can. It took the help of the head of legal for home burials in our area to step in and we came to an agreement although it was not the legal or appropriate one. So they are at peace in our favorite place.

Our tragedy like so many others took a part of both of our spirits but we move on with the thought ” The ones we love live on in the memories we share of them.” It is just to bad that a closed minded and nosey person had to make a bad situation worse.

 

Thank you for the inspiration

Just a number I care about

kk Although age is just a number it is a designation on a scale that measures life experiences and the changes that come with them. As a tiny baby we are labeled and placed into categories that correspond to behaviors’ some way and not age. Toddler, kid, pre-teen, tween, teen, young adult, adult or elderly are normally used to group how you act. Me personally I am in my 40’s with a new baby, now I know why 20 year olds have them and 40 year olds are grandparents. I do have more patience and appreciate the special moments I am able to spend with her. My little toddler that I can’t find exactly what age that is but that is what the babycenter.com newsletter keeps telling me, melts my heart. I try to be the free spirit that provokes the old “Act your age”. So it is just a number that measures the steps that got me to the who I am.

 

Ping back to http://dailypost.wordpress.com/dp_prompt/age-old-questions/

 

Right Turn

When I was a little girl my daddy owned a few eighteen wheelers and sometimes on the weekends he would take me with him on a trip. I was lucky to learn everything you should and shouldn’t do on the road. The left lane is for passing, don’t pass on the right, give trucks plenty of space they need a lot of it to slow that big thing down. If you are on a multi-lane road don’t drive in the right lane so that people getting on and off will know how to enter. I am glad I paid attention because after everything that my daddy taught me about the road there are 2 things that just stuck. One, Frontage is not the name of a thousand or so roads, it is a designation, and two,  if you know what direction you want to get and know what direction you are going you will never be lost

A little Leopard

Brought to life 43 years ago by the manufacturer of children’s toys I was given to Kimmy when she was born and quickly became her best friend. I could always count on a good hug from Kimmy when she was feeling sad, mad or the huge giggle and smile right before she scooped me up for a squeeze when she was excited usually about something new she had learned or discovered. There was good and bad with the friendship just like so many others. I was always there when she wasn’t feeling well but that usually meant I was the target of whatever was leaking out of her at the time, and who ever said that baby poo doesn’t smell was anosmic. which lead to a trip to the washer and us both being sad about the missing presence of the other for a few hours. The bumps on her noodle, skinned knees, scratches up and down her arms and legs never stopped her from being the curious little girl testing every scenario to find the possible results, how many people can say their best friend bangs their head on everything just to see what will happen?

As she got older and had come in contact with different experiences I went through changes also. The period when I was carried around by my tail with the same hand that sucked her thumb because she could hold the tail in hand and it would not interfere with the thumb.

More time passed and I was more times left behind than taken with her by way of my tag in which she would stick her finger through to leave the rest to accomplish what ever goal she was working on. Her mommy would no longer spend extra time to pick me up for her, She would kick me through the rooms and down the hall until she got to a room with a couch so that she could give me a kick with a little lift so I ended up on the couch and could be picked up with out bending over.

One day I was picked up and put in a glass case where I was by myself for years until one day she got me out just for a few minutes, smiled and put me back behind the glass. More years passed and I ended up in a box but can’t even remember when. This is where I sat tattered year after year, boy did I miss those big hugs.

Bright light shined into the box and I was sent to the washer, no comment needed as to why. After I was dry and smelled clean and fresh I was put into the bed along with about 20 other toys of baby Kate, who had her choice of many new softer toys, chose me and she had that same special hug that I remembered so well, It was just like her mommy’s hugs.  So here I am so glad to be the best friend of another little girl and excited knowing that her adventures will, no doubt be as incredible as they were all those years ago.

Unexpected Teacher

As an IT consultant l am a computer super freak so one day to my surprise my husband was teaching me about the computer. He is kind of funny and Calls himself a dumb construction worker, which is far from the truth. He is super smart; l just didn’t know it was in computers. He was using hotkeys on the keyboard that I have never used. For example clicking the backspace to close the last window. l decided to look it up and after read it thought many would like it. The end ( I didn’t want anyone to try to read more at the bottom.)
Windows Hotkeys

Ctrl + Escape or Win: Display start menu.
Shift + F10 or AppsKey: Display context menu.
Win + E: Open Windows Explorer.
Win + R: Open Run dialog.
Win + M: Minimize all windows.
Win + Shift + M: Undo minimize all windows.
Win + D: Toggle minimize all windows.
Win + B (XP only): Activate system tray. Arrow keys select, Enter double-clicks, and AppsKey or Shift + F10 right-clicks.
Win + L (XP Only): Locks keyboard. Similar to Lock Workstation.
Win + F or F3: Open Find dialog. (All Files) F3 may not work in some applications which use F3 for their own find dialogs.
Win + Control + F: Open Find dialog. (Computers)
Win + U: Open Utility Manager.
Win + F1: Open Windows help.
Win + Pause: Open System Properties dialog.
Win + Tab: Cycle through taskbar buttons. Enter clicks, AppsKey or Shift + F10 right-clicks.
Win + Shift + Tab: Cycle through taskbar buttons in reverse.
Alt + Tab: Display CoolSwitch. More commonly known as the AltTab dialog.
Alt + Shift + Tab: Display CoolSwitch; go in reverse.
Alt + Escape: Send active window to the bottom of the z-order.
Alt + Shift + Escape: Activate the window at the bottom of the z-order.
Alt + F4: Close active window; or, if all windows are closed, open shutdown dialog.
Shift while a CD is loading: Bypass AutoPlay.
Ctrl + Alt + Delete or Ctrl + Alt + NumpadDel (Both NumLock states): Invoke the Task Manager or NT Security dialog.
Ctrl + Shift + Escape (XP Only): Invoke the task manager. On earlier OSes, acts like Ctrl + Escape.
Printscreen: Copy screenshot of current screen to clipboard.
Alt + Printscreen: Copy screenshot of current active window to clipboard.
Ctrl + Alt + Down Arrow: Invert screen. Untested on OSes other than XP.
Ctrl + Alt + Up Arrow: Undo inversion.

Generic

Ctrl + C or Ctrl + Insert: Copy.
Ctrl + X or Shift + Delete: Cut.
Ctrl + V or Shift + Insert: Paste/Move.
Ctrl + N: New… File, Tab, Entry, etc.
Ctrl + S: Save.
Ctrl + O: Open…
Ctrl + P: Print.
Ctrl + Z: Undo.
Ctrl + A: Select all.
Ctrl + F: Find…
Ctrl + F4: Close tab or child window.
F1: Open help.
F11: Toggle full screen mode.
Alt or F10: Activate menu bar.
Alt + Space: Display system menu. Same as clicking the icon on the titlebar.
Escape: Remove focus from current control/menu, or close dialog box.

Generic Navigation

Tab: Forward one item.
Shift + Tab: Backward one item.
Ctrl + Tab: Cycle through tabs/child windows.
Ctrl + Shift + Tab: Cycle backwards through tabs/child windows.
Enter: If a button’s selected, click it, otherwise, click default button.
Space: Toggle items such as radio buttons or checkboxes.
Alt + (Letter): Activate item corresponding to (Letter). (Letter) is the underlined letter on the item’s name.
Ctrl + Left: Move cursor to the beginning of previous word.
Ctrl + Right: Move cursor to the beginning of next word.
Ctrl + Up: Move cursor to beginning of previous paragraph. This and all subsequent Up/Down hotkeys in this section have only been known to work in RichEdit controls.
Ctrl + Down: Move cursor to beginning of next paragraph.
Shift + Left: Highlight one character to the left.
Shift + Right: Highlight one character to the right.
Shift + Up: Highlight from current cursor position, to one line up.
Shift + Down: Highlight from current cursor position, to one line down.
Ctrl + Shift + Left: Highlight to beginning of previous word.
Ctrl + Shift + Right: Highlight to beginning of next word.
Ctrl + Shift + Up: Highlight to beginning of previous paragraph.
Ctrl + Shift + Down: Highlight to beginning of next paragraph.
Home: Move cursor to top of a scrollable control.
End: Move cursor to bottom of a scrollable control.

Generic File Browser

Arrow Keys: Navigate.
Shift + Arrow Keys: Select multiple items.
Ctrl + Arrow Keys: Change focus without changing selection. “Focus” is the object that will run on Enter. Space toggles selection of the focused item.
(Letter): Select first found item that begins with (Letter).
BackSpace: Go up one level to the parent directory.
Alt + Left: Go back one folder.
Alt + Right: Go forward one folder.
Enter: Activate (Double-click) selected item(s).
Alt + Enter: View properties for selected item.
F2: Rename selected item(s).
F7: New folder.
Ctrl + NumpadPlus: In a Details view, resizes all columns to fit the longest item in each one.
Delete: Delete selected item(s).
Shift + Delete: Delete selected item(s); bypass Recycle Bin.
Ctrl while dragging item(s): Copy.
Ctrl + Shift while dragging item(s): Create shortcut(s).

In tree pane, if any:
Left: Collapse the current selection if expanded, or select the parent folder.
Right: Expand the current selection if collapsed, or select the first subfolder.
NumpadAsterisk: Expand currently selected directory and all subdirectories. No undo.
NumpadPlus: Expand currently selected directory.
NumpadMinus: Collapse currently selected directory.

My happy word

Along time ago I read a story about an old couple that spent their 60 years together taking turns leaving the word SHMILY for the other to find. It stood for “see how much l love you”. I decided that l would leave the word MUACH around for my husband as sometimes that is what we say in place of blowing a kiss. It is how the sound that a kiss makes would be spelled phonetically. To my surprise he started leaving it back. Now when l read or hear MUACH, with this post as no exception, l smile

Pride and Joy

Going on the idea that no one can really possess a person or the land, my most prized possession would be wedding rings that were my grandmother and my great-grandmother. As a tradition in my family at a time when traditions are all but dead I have been given a name in line with my maternal family tree. My great Grandmothers name was Theresia, My grandmother was Rosalie Theresia, My mother was Dianne Rose, I am Kimberly Dianne and I have named my daughter Katelyn Kimberly. I am proud to be part of the tradition and to keep this going in my family.

The Daily Post